I remember when I was growing up I had a tendency to overjudge myself. I really didn’t think much of who I am. I was always focussing on my imperfections and looking back now, they probably were the smallest things, but I guess in my head it was easily blown out of proportion.
Thankfully, I had the best Mother in the world. At least once a day she’d look at me and say “Do you know how beautiful you are”?
My goodness, it worked a treat. I could already feel myself walking taller.
Although this was a little bit of magic my Mother used very often, recently I have been observing some very different views and opinions from which I really want us to question if, in fact, Should we be complimenting our children?
Let’s get some ideas!
A British Liberal Democrat party politician recently suggested that complimenting our children will send the wrong message to them. She portrays that complimenting your child will give them the idea that image is everything. She thinks if we are perhaps to skip telling our children they are beautiful, and instead praise them for doing their homework we will send positive messages to them to focus on metal capability instead of looking in the mirror. She states that it is crucial for our children’s little worlds not to become compelled with image and looks.
Forbes recently produced an article on “thing’s you should never say to children. One of them the points, where in fact “You should never tell your children they are pretty/smart. Telling children they are smart or complimenting them. We are instantly labelling them, so from then, hey may think of themselves as the pretty or smart kid.
The Danish way of parenting-
This book was probably one of the most unique and interesting reads when I was beginning my career. It promotes a healthy approach to parenting and states that if you compliment a child for nothing then will they really aspire to push themselves in life? For example, it conveyed if you tell a child they are smart, will they really push themselves in school?
A change of time.
Some parents have taken it upon themselves to not talk to their children at all about appearance. They wonder why we don’t predict our children becoming image obsessed if we focus on their appearance, the same amount we teach kindness. After all, if children hear something enough, it’s going to affect their way of thinking, right?
However, with all this to bear in mind, do you think we are just over thinking the whole situation?
Personally, I compliment children all the time, as do the parents. I help little tots grow up into strong and capable young adults. The main idea to keep in mind is some lovely BALANCE! The main reason I do compliment children stems back from my Mother and how good she was able to make me feel every single day. With this in mind, I aspire to make little kiddos feel just as good about themselves. It is part of my job to build children up.
Of course, if a Parent or caretaker spends 90% of the time talking to their child about appearance then, of course, the child is going to become very consumed in this particular world. There are a few amazing balance techniques to keep in mind-
- Don’t be afraid to focus on looks. Moderation is key but this helps your child view themselves in a positive light.
- Talk about other things the same amount you focus on appearance.
- Teaching children about using your mind and aspiring for bigger things in life is just as important.
- Praise efforts. Notice when your little one tries and doesn’t give up. This will teach them efforts are also very important in life and nothing comes easy.
- Communicate values. Very often, your values will shape theirs!
Above all, showing your little peanuts love is the greatest thing you can do! Each parenting situation is very unique and special so it is important to respect decisions and do whatever we can to uplift babes life. Some may choose to show love through compliments, some man not!
So that’s my opinion, what is yours?