How to stay lovers after having children

Why is it that some couples relationships suffer after having a baby and some continue to flourish long after? Are only some couples doing the right thing?

What is the right thing? 

You hear about people all around the world who break up after starting a family I can’t help but think- is there any correlation to breaking up after having a baby?

How do we have healthy relationships with our children and our partners?

Is there a big mix of ingredients to make the perfect family pie?

Or is it just…luck?

 

mde
Nothing like a snuggle!

Side note- I have switched up things a little and popped in photos of my love and me to share my life with you even more! Let me know what you think in the comments! 

Anyway, back to the juicy stuff!

After caring for tonnes and tonnes of newborns, toddlers and children I must admit that I sometimes feel a little smug when I picture myself as a Mother.

Then there is another side of me that thinks what if I don’t become this superwoman Mother figure I have always pictured myself as. What if my relationship with my partner Marcel goes tits up?

The good thing is that I am sure that won’t happen.

All those fears seem to blur away quite significantly when I think of what I do. Think of me as the Nanny spy, getting all the inside scoop right from the thick of it!

I’ve seen it all!

From couples who’s relationships are starting to rock, to ones who get through everything and anything together and are still close.

I’m pretty lucky really and I plan to adapt all the good stuff I have seen into my relationship with Marcel.

What’s all that good stuff I speak of? Keep on reading!

edf
Visiting Stathhaven, Scotland’s air balloon festival.

 

Staying close

It’s not all about sex although that does play a big part in relationships too!

I believe in order to stay close you have to be close in some kind of way.  But especially right after birth, sometimes a woman isn’t into getting any action until her body and mind has recovered a little.

You can still be intimate without sex. Try things like foot massages, nice cuddles, running your hand through her hair, and tickling so you are still being intimate and touching until she feels ready.

Always try to dedicate a small five minutes a day to hold each other.

Ask for it if need be.

Normally when Marcel and I are busy I will pester him by dancing around his man room (yes, he has a man room) twiddling my fingers until he gives me a cuddle. Then I feel all topped up again and we’ll go back to work.

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Sunset in Italy

Flirt your socks off!

It’s easy when a woman becomes a Mummy and guys become Dads, they can forget how to flirt like they used to pre the Thomas the Tank and Barbie days!

I guess it’s a little easier when it’s just the two of you and then all of a sudden a whole other person will then need so much of you. How do you make sure everyone is getting enough of you?

Try to keep making time for each other just as you would for the new Buba.

If you need flirting inspiration I have you covered…

  • Eye contact man.
  • Shower together.
  • Leave her a note saying something nice if you don’t always get time to speak!
  • Pinch his butt cheeks when he’s cooking! ( Another reference to Marcel there. Okay, sometimes I whip it with the dishtowel and run away).
  • Say something cheeky and wink at her!
  • Keep up the compliments.
  • And when in doubt, flowers are a win-win!

Flirting is the secret key to keeping a relationship strong after a baby!

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Yesterday walking in Fasnacloch, Scotland.

 Don’t forget to laugh!

It’s okay to screw up and not do everything perfectly.  Try not to beat yourself up when thing’s don’t go to plan.

I hear from Mothers that this is essential to a healthy relationship! It’s all very overwhelming and disruptive so keeping things as light as possible will help massively in not making each other feel heavy and worn out.

I know most people put such a weight on themselves for doing everything perfectly, but I would also say that this goes for your partner. When they screw up or don’t do things by the book, tell them that it’s okay and you will never think less of them. Imperfection is human nature and you’ll never put that pressure on them.

For more inspiration, here is a photo of me just before I ziplined off a 500 feet mountain Marcel had so lovingly bought for me to do!

 

Shitting bricks.
Shitting bricks.

 

Be silly!

Lots of people want their partners to see them as perfect creatures. Humans who always have the laundry done, smashing it at work, cooking up a storm in the kitchen, all while keeping a small human alive!

I’m yet to meet such a boss of a creature!

In a nutshell, if you don’t have it all together, you’re doing just fine.

On another note but a similar one, I think Marcel has shrunk!

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Visiting the museum of senses, Romania.

 

Understand that not everything will be split down the middle

It’s easy for couples to build resentment when they realise that there are times where one person will be doing more than the other.

There may be times that Mumma is pinned down feeding the baby and Dad is chilling or doing his own thing. Lots of new Mums become bitter because their whole life has changed but often Dads can continue on as before.

Rather than Mumma picking a fight, it’s important to tell your partner what’s going on in your head. No matter how silly you think it sounds, if your partner is a good egg, he’ll listen.

There could be a night where Dad is giving little one a bath and Mum has fallen asleep early. It would be super easy to jump down teach others throats when all we are trying to say is “I’m tired,  I wish I was sleeping too.”

The trick is to avoid blame and steer away from becoming bitter.

 

Speaking of splitting…

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When two become one?

Talking

I believe that no matter how silly or small something may sound if it’s bothering you, say it. Lots of arguments happen because small things build up and then it all overflows and take it from me you probably won’t be sharing this news rationally!

Any good partner will listen and take what you say seriously.

Often it’s the way we talk to teach other which has the biggest impact. Saying thing’s like”I’m feeling exhausted can you help give the baby a bath tonight” Rather than screaming that your partner that he doesn’t help out is a small but huge change in the right direction!

No one’s perfect but often just sharing exactly how you are feeling in a somewhat cool manner helps a tonne!

IMG-20181030-WA0021
Dean Castle, Scotland winter light show.

Never forget to say thank you

Super easy to forgot! I wish it wasn’t! Ever since we met, Marcel makes me breakfast every morning. Sometimes I could kick myself if ever I forget to thank him!

It’s funny when relationships are all new and you notice everything. Then that honeymoon period slips away and you get rather comfortable.  There’s farting too!

Write it down if you have to but never forget to thank you, partner, for those tiny things they do that we could get easily used to if we don’t try.

Plus, you don’t have to do anything. Sometimes just a thank you for showing love does just the trick!

 

edf
Marcel with my niece!

 

 

What are your top tips for staying close?

Please let me know you’re thoughts below and always thank you so much for reading!!

Nanny M xx

 

 

 

 

11 Replies to “How to stay lovers after having children”

  1. Loved it, especially when you talk about how comfortable couples get when they make it past the “cupcake” or “honeymoon” phase! 😂 My parents taught me that marriage is a secret union that nothing should get between, not even the children. One day the children will go off to make new families of their own and it will just be the couple together. That’s why it’s so important for couples to take care of their marriages as much as they care for their precious children!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, I’m so feeling the love from you this morning (for me haha)! That’s too true! I think that lasted a few seconds for us until we were farting up a storm. It takes very careful planning to have good sex and still be disgusting 😂
      Totally agree with you, nurture for everyone is vital! Thank you for sharing lovely xxx

      Liked by 1 person

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