“No relationship is perfect, is it Carron?” “You are so right Rebeka, mine is the same”. I overheard as I was sitting down to my delicious morning cappuccino in my favourite coffee shop. It was a dull, rainy Monday morning and I was ever so slightly intrigued and blatantly nosey to find out what’s happening to Rebeka’s relationship. As the rain poured I sank into my caffeinated treat and I heard Rebeka go on to tell her friend that her weekend had been awful. She explained how all weekend long she and her husband had been bickering something awful. It went from tiny issues here and there to full-on arguments and shouting at each other. Rebeka told her friend that She had even cried after their arguments and then they both went to sleep without any cuddle or apology. The couple woke up the next morning and pretended as nothing happened. They carried on as normal because this happened before, time and time again. This is what all relationships are like… right?
After my third indulgent sip of cappuccino, the friends were still chatting. Rebeka was now telling her friend that these sort of arguments happen all the time between her and her husband. She told her friend that it is very stressful to go through but it was okay because there are good parts to their relationship also. For instance, her husband often takes out the trash and, he built their dining room table when the pair first moved into their house as newlyweds. Because there is good in their relationship, in Rebeka’s world, all the bad was worth it. Shouting at each other was the norm and she had learned to accept it as part of a normal relationship. Much to my surprise, Rebeka’s friend was totally in agreement and told her that no perfect relationship exists. Everybody has bad bits about their relationship so it is okay to accept the negative that happens to come along with it.
Want a little secret? There is such a thing as the perfect relationship. I promise you, there is. Want to know my secret? Well just keeping reading.
Every relationship is different
My first very small secret but an important one to remember is that what’s normal for your friend in their relationship may not be normal for yours. One couple might like to run around their garden naked and shocking the squirrels, another might like to spend their days curled up by the fire reciting sweet nothings to one another. And this is okay, don’t ever get spooked if another couple’s normality sounds nothing like yours. We all have to find our best way to live as one and whatever makes you both happy in the relationship is always the way to go.
Imagine two people on a see-saw, they just happen to be the same weight for my little explanation here. There they are, in total balance, happy as larry. Then, a small box is put on the left side while the right is left with just the other person. No big deal right? It’s just a little. Then another box is put on that side, and another and another. Quick as a flash, this side falls to the ground unable to hold any more weight.
Now in relationships, we can’t realistically split everything 50/50 but we can at least try. It is super important to put effort into a relationship no matter how old we get. Whether it’s cleaning, cooking, caring for children, or putting time into each other we have to make sure that we are putting visible effort in so that your partner doesn’t feel like they are doing everything.
There will be times when one of you is doing more than the other and this is okay, there are lots of things that can affect this. When this happens, all that is needed is appreciation and love. For instance, if your partner went ahead and made the dinner for you because they knew you were going to be home late and tired, say thank you. All it takes is thank you and a big squeezy cuddle and everyone will be happy. Always notice the big and small your partner does for you and never be too busy to cuddle.
Not too long ago I was working 50 hours a week as a Nanny. My partner and I would be intimate more of when we could rather than when we wanted. We made a rule, every morning when we were rushing out the door we couldn’t go without a cuddle. It made a massive difference keeping it close and it set us up for the day. So I am inviting you to do the same. Pick a time of day and don’t be too busy to cuddle
Talk about everything
Talk, talk and then talk some more. I know what you are thinking, yeah yeah MaryAnne, we do. But I mean about everything, no matter how small or uncomfortable it may be at the time. I believe that many couples only mention something that is bothering them when it is something big. Or something which used to be a small imperfection and now it had erupted into a volcano of problems. Perhaps you don’t like the way your partner just spoke to you. Tell them. Perhaps you never liked the glasses from which you always drink from. Tell them. Perhaps even you are just feeling a little sad and you need support. Tell them. Talk about all the small things no matter how silly at the time before they become so big, they have suffocated your relationship into something which can never recover. Talking can literally save your relationship.
My biggest secret of them all
Think back to my little story at the start with Rebeka, the lady whose conversation I was listening to in the coffee shop. Remember what she said? Let me remind you. She said that no relationship is perfect. That everyone should just accept the bad stuff that inevitably comes with the package deal of relationships because there are good parts too.
Your partner should make you feel like a Queen or King.
Choosing a person every single day is a choice, right? The same goes with choosing the bad stuff.
Bad stuff does not come with relationships. It’s not a package deal, it is a choice to either accept this or reject it.
What do I mean by bad stuff? Well, this could be anything big including, shouting, cursing your partner, physical and mental violence, and disrespect.
But it means the smaller things too. And that I don’t have a list for this because the possibilities are endless. This doesn’t mean that I want you to go in a huff for practically no reason. It means that anything, absolutely anything that your partner does that in your gut does not feel right, then it is not right.
I believe another secret of a surviving relationship is humour. Keeping things light and fun is such a massive part of a solid relationship. Take it from me, I am constantly pranking my partner. Most recently, I hide from him so well that he couldn’t find me! Top hide and seeking to me!
Wherever you are in our world please let me know what you thought of this article and if you have any comments of your own!
Nanny M x