As a Mama bear, have you ever felt like you are a terrible Mother?
This is sadly yet undoubtedly one of the most common questions I am asked.
What I do is not just a job for me and I want to extend my love and friendship to you!
When I first started working for one of my families, the Mother came to me just as I was finishing my shift. She broke down and said she felt incredibly guilty for having my help and felt like she failed by reaching out to myself and admitting she needed me. Somehow, by lightening her load she felt a little less of a Supermum than she had once intended to feel.
Only a few weeks ago, I began mini therapy sessions with a Mother/client of mine as she too was feeling the same. She was very emotional and explained she felt like she was no longer a good Mum since starting her new full-time job. Things like laundry, shopping and cleaning could no longer be put first on the list.
…And the list of struggling mums goes on and on. Whatever your personal reason is for feeling this way, I can promise you that there are millions of Mothers feeling the exact same way and you are never alone.
Whether we have connected yet or not, please always lean on me for some support and I will be your very own Nanny cheerleader!
Now! I have several honest and kind truths below which have helped other mamas tremendously who I work with!
Truth No 1- What your feeling is normal
I promise you, it is. I have never in my life met a Mother who never feels imperfect or inadequate. No parent has their shit together.
Whether we are at work, in the playground, or scrolling social media, it’s so easy to compare ourselves and it happens ALL the time. When we make something in life we are so wonderfully proud of, it’s only natural we want the world to see the best side of this. The only problem is then picture-perfect families paint such an unrealistic and unattainable goal for Mothers and think to ourselves that our lives are NEVER this perfect. This has our minds spiralling out of control and we wonder where we went wrong. Many of you feel like you have F’d up.
Take this with a pinch of salt!
Behind closed doors, we are all the same. No one is a perfect parent, and no one was meant to be one.
You are amazing! You are strong! You have created one of the most special things life has to offer!
You are imperfectly perfect!
Truth No 2- Our failers and weaknesses do not make us who we are!
Some days will be all shiny and some will be damn hard, but no matter how you feel today, tomorrow will always be better. When you feel your inner critic putting you down as a Mother you must STOP this! It is okay to make mistakes and this does not take good mama points off you.
You are fire!
Little parenting wavers do NOT make you a bad parent. They make you a real one.
Truth No 4- The more you call yourself a bad Mother, the more you will believe it!
Our language matters like crazy. As a Mother, you need to recognise that you are Incredible! There is so much that goes on in the home that the rest of the world doesn’t see.
You must remember the more you call yourself a terrible Mother, the more you will believe it. Then, the more you will feel like a bad Mama in the future! There is going to be days where a little poppet pooped on the floor or you yelled or some little one tested your buttons like mad.
When this happens you must remember to breathe and tell yourself this has nothing to do with your ability to be a good Mother!
If you do ever require extra help and support please pop by my way or contact one of the following:
Truth 4- It’s time to up your self-care game!
When you are feeling burnt out and tired, it’s time to recognise this and take time for you. No Mother in the world could keep going day in and day out without recharging her batteries.
But, you know what? It’s absolutely wonderful to hold our hand’s up in solidarity and admit that we are struggling, not to mention such a healthy step in the right direction.
Even if it’s a spare 10 minutes during the day, put out a game for the kids and step outside, breathe and count down from 10. Watch the birds in the trees and feel the soft wind of your face. The amount of only 10 minutes sounds like nothing but it’s so necessary to step back sometimes and take that little bit of time.
NEVER FEEL GUILTY FOR THIS!
So many Mothers do not take part in self-care as they feel guilty for missing a portion of their child’s day. Let me tell you, children are not going to be fussed when you step away for a bit of time and do something just for you.
This does not mean we don’t shower our children with love and safety and snuggles, of course! Yet we must recognise that we need a little love just as our children do.
Choosing to ignore our own body and mind and continuing 24/7 with your children will burn you out.
Wouldn’t it be better if your children received an hour of amazing interaction and fun from you rather than 4 hours where you are burnout and not truly enjoying the time of your spending?
If you need a little self- care inspo, check these out!
- A walk with a friend/ family member. Time to open up. Share how you are feeling!
- Movie night/date night. If you can, ask a friend or hire someone like myself and put a little energy into yourself and your other half!
- Art. It’s not just for kiddos you know! There are so many wonderful art projects you could escape with like this one and this one!
- Feed the birds tuppence a bag! No this is not just for Mary Poppins!
- Yoga. Try a little stretch or two when the kids are sleeping! Check out this lovely session on youtube!
- Imagery Meditation. This is vital in my book! Try my favourite one here!
- Try a face mask and hair mask! Give yourself a little love from the outside up your confidence! Yes, mama needs love too!
- Write everything down! This is such a simple exercise, yet it works as it gets all that nasty tension out of our packed minds and onto the paper. Our worries no longer consume us this way as they are finally out in the open and not drowning inside.
- Silly dance. You can often find me with a hairbrush dancing to some cheesy sound around my house, and it works! As a Nanny, I’m no stranger to letting myself loose around children, hehe! Time for a dance, Mamas!
Let me know what you lovely Mamas think and in the meantime, I wish you a beautiful day!
Nanny M x