How to cope on Mothers Day when your Mother is in heaven

This day can be a confusing, mixed and emotional day for many of us who don’t get to spoil our Mothers on this day. 

Now just because my Mother is no longer here physically, doesn’t make me a grief expert, as grief affects everyone differently. 

But I do have some real tips and tricks for you in the hopes that you’ll be able to handle this day in your personal way. 

So if your Mother passed years ago or recently, I have some advice for you that I really hope helps! 

Thanks for reading as always and please feel my love for you on this day. 

Tip 1 – 

Don’t ever feel pressure to “be over it”. 

A few weeks after the passing of his Grandfather, my friend’s partner at the time was confused as to why he was still upset and experiencing grief. 

She assumed since it’s been a while (or at least what she thought was a while) it was time for my friend to feel nothing. 

There is absaoutley no timeline on greif. 

Whether it was yesterday, a month ago, a few years, five, ten or even more.  

When someone makes such a big impact on your life that kind of imprint never goes away. 

You are in the driving seat of your grief and no two losses are the same. 

Take your own time with it whether that may be fast, slow or never at all. This is your own experience and you have to ride it out in a way that is entirely personalised to you. 

Tip 2 – Find an outsource 

Did you ever have a bad break-up and felt like pulling a Bridge Jones, hiding under the covers with best friends Ben and Jerry? 

Not that it’s the same thing as grief, but I learned from one of my first breakups that the healthiest thing for me to do was to work on myself. 

So I worked out, put on my favourite clothes and felt like hot shit. 

And same goes after my Mother passed away. 

I needed to outsource my grief, so I wrote about it. 

Sometimes that would be love stories on her social media pages, blog articles, you name it. 

Although I cried every day for at least 6 months, I learned that we all need to outsource grief in a way that’s meaningful to us. 

I also can’t recommend working out enough. 

I have been in stages of my life where my mental health sucked.  

Life is the same after working out, but somehow it feels better. 

You’ll find you can breathe more and the weights that have been in your mind will feel a bit lighter. 

Extra tricks to deal with grief – 

  • Drawing/ colouring. Creating something really helps mental health. 
  • Plant a tree. Once we can see something grow in memory of someone we love, this can help also. 
  • Bake recipes that were handed down to you.
  • If you have any special notes or poems from your Mother, type them up so you never lose them. 
  • Visit somewhere your Mother loved to go.
  • Put a note from you to her at her graveside.
  • Talk to her as often as you can.

Are there any other tips that have helped you? Let me know in the comments!

Tip 3 – Talk, talk a bit or not at all 

I went through a bit of a numb stage after right my Mother passed away. Some certain people around me expected dramatics, they didn’t like that I was silent and wanted my emotions to burst out, for their benefit. 

It’s easier for people to work us out when we dramatise our emotions, but that’s not always the reality of what we want to be doing. 

Going through grief isn’t a show or performance, it’s something highly unique to each of us.

So when you feel like talking, go for it. If you feel like saying nothing, that is okay too.   

Put these boundaries out there for the people around you to understand that this is your process and nothing can change that.

Tip 4 – Recognise what you got from your Mother 

Something that might help you feel closer is thinking about what your Mother passed down to you. Whether that be looks, skillset, personality, anything! 

We want to still feel close to loved ones when they pass on and a great way of doing this is realising how we can keep their legacy growing.  

Plus, since my own Mother was an absolute babe and super smart, my self-confidence gets a kick!

Final tip –

Always remember to take it in your own stride and love for your Mother will never perish.

Give yourself as much love as she would and take her loss in your own stride.

It’s okay to map out your own road even if it’s unlike anyone else’s.

Love and light,

Nanny M x

If you liked that, go grab a hot tea and read another article of mine. Tempting, isn’t it?

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